Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Real World (chp 11)
When I awoke I was cold and confused. Everything around me was a huge blur. My senses seemed to blend together and I could not distinguish any smell, color, or sound. As I ventured among the trees through the harsh winter winds, I struggled to keep warm. That is, until I came upon this light, not like the one that illuminated the overhead sky, but one on the ground. It seemed to be ignited by wood, so I experimented. I used branches to kindle what I learned to be as fire. After toying with the fire for a while, I finally drifted off to sleep. Morning came and I began my search for shelter. I discovered a small cottage that was inhabited by humans. As I approached the people inside began to go crazy and started attacking me with any weapon they could find. After taking the beating for a while, I finally managed to garner the strength and courage to run away. My feelings were terribly scorned. What had I done wrong? Had I offended them in some way? I was lost and extremely discombobulated. So many questions ran through my mind .. What was I to do now? Where was I to go? I had no where to go and had no idea what was in store for me. Finally, after running and contemplating for I don't know how long, I found a small shelter mad of wood. I squeezed my enormous body underneath it and hid from the outside world, afraid of what happen if I were to encounter my new found enemy again.
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Positive comment:
ReplyDeleteI think this is great. I feel the emotion here, and the desperation the monster feels on his own in the woods. I can really tell how this monster feels.
On the other hand, I personally find it harder to read when everything is crammed into one huge paragraph. Perhaps you could separate it into a few smaller paragraphs?
As I said, it is only a personal trouble, and the decision is yours to make. Fantastic work here, Jaz.